I am bad at taking responsibility for how I treat my future and my goals. I’ve always said that although I don’t know what I want to do as a career, I know it will involve writing. I used the cop-out: I’ll probably be a journalist. I thought it would be easier to just think about it later, after I had completed my A.S. degree in Communications. But it isn’t easier. I still don’t know what I want to be when I grow up. And now I know why.
It’s scary thinking about the future. In my mind, the future is a permanent state – a final outcome – a goal which is reached and maintained. At a career planning day in Grade 11, my teacher asked me what I wanted to do for the rest of my life. That is an awful amount of pressure to put on a 17-year old kid who literally has no idea what she wants to do with the rest of her afternoon. I panicked, and went with my fail-safe. Journalism. This wasn’t the first time I had used the word journalism to fill in for an actual dream, goal or plan – and it wouldn’t be the last. If you asked me this morning, I would probably answer the same. Actually, I think I did.
But it isn’t true. I like the romanticized idea of journalism – reporting on the daily goings-on in the world. I could write for newspapers. I know I could. But that isn’t what I mean when I say ‘journalism’. What I mean is: I want to be a writer. I don’t know yet what kind of writer, though, and that’s the problem.Sure, I’m just one among many directionless twenty-somethings trying to find their way in this world, but I’m responsible for my future, and the decisions that I make that get me there.
Here are some of the decisions that I have to make in the coming months:
I have to apply for universities by the end of June. (Actually, I don’t have to, but my parents want me to, and I think it’s probably a good idea.) Alas, I cannot seem to decide what to study, or if it is even necessary for me to study, or if I do decide to study – what university to go to.
I would like to do an internship (where, and in what kind of company are still up for debate) before I start (or don’t start) university in January 2014.
And then, there’s this minor problem:
For an aspiring writer, I don’t do much writing. This blog post is the first piece of writing that I’ve done in the last 2 months that is not school-assigned. And I haven’t even had that much homework. Instead of writing (which I genuinely enjoy), I spend my time trolling the internet on sites like Reddit, Facebook, and YouTube. I also don’t do much reading, which is pretty messed-up, because I LOVE to read. And write. I’m not short on ideas of what to write… I just haven’t written any of them. So why am I doing this to myself?
I think I know:
Fear, plain and simple.
Fear that what I write won’t be good enough for publishing.
Fear that I’m really not that good at writing at all.
Fear that I would be wasting my time.
Fear that I’m not special enough – that I won’t stand out from all the others trying to be writers.
Fear that I don’t deserve to be a writer because I’m not writing every day.
But: the only way to see if I’m wrong, if I’m good enough, if I deserve it, if I’m not wasting my time… Is to write.
So I suppose I already have a solution to my problem.
Everyday Adventure 
Hi Derren. Just going by this piece of writing – you should be a writer. I have also had to work through the whole, “Don’t know what I want to do when I grow up thing.”, and I’m older than your father. I’m also a life-long writer, who only quite recently, realised that I should actually have been writing for a living all my life. Sad in a way, but happy in the realisation. In other words, be happy that you’ve joined the dots so early in life, and commit to it.
As for studying, what you study is far less important than that you study. A little piece of wisdom that I discovered quiet recently, and that I’ve made my motto, is “writers write”. A writer is not defined by whether they are published or not, successful or not, or by what kind of content they write. A writer is someone that writes. So, if you are a writer – write! Write creative comments (long or short) to people’s Facebook posts. Write thoughtful, philosophical/political/etc comments to blog posts, news articles, etc. Write a journal, write for others, and write for yourself.
Get hold of a book called “The Artist’s Way”, by Julia Cameron. It is one of the best creativity courses I’ve ever come across, and it focuses on creativity through writing. Buy it, read it, apply it, read it, apply it … (then replace it because its worn out)
You can have a look at my main blog (if you want to) at: robinbva.blogspot.com
Oh yes, if you’re wondering who I am – I’ve known your dad since he was about 15.
Hi D
I have quite a lot to do with your generation & I want to say this:-
* Do you have a sense that you have a big destiny … A REALLY BIG destiny?
* Have you felt that you must be crazy feeling the way you do because, well, you can’t possibly have such a BIG DESTINY … Not YOU!!!
* Have you felt this since you were very little … Like for your whole life?
Well, I am writing this to confirm & vindicate you … You are alive at a special time in history to fulfill a very special destiny … PURPOSE is within you, as well as all the gifting, talents, etc, etc that you will need!!
Take this big challenge to you Creator, The God Who Loves You … Give it to Him, trust Him to put everything together for you … Get to know Him (sweet awesomeness that He is!!) … & see what will happen!!!
I know what I’m talking about here … I promise, this is the way forward, precious one!
“Faithful Father God, thank You for the miracles & plan You have in place for this Daughter of Destiny! Thank You that nothing will mess anything up and that she will not miss any mark or lose her way!”
Sharon
Thank you, Sharon, for commenting and being so encouraging. I don’t believe in God, but I respect your belief, and thank you for taking the time to read my blog.
Thank you – it means a lot to me that you took the time to read, think about and write a comment 🙂 I know who you are, by the way. My dad talks about you all the time!
Its a pleasure. You can thank me by doing the sam on my blog. 😉
robinbva.blogspot.comhttps://derrynstroud.wordpress.com/2013/04/24/time-to-write/#respond
(that’s called the shameless plug)
Hi Derryn
I am quite relieved that I am not the only 20-something who feels like this.
I also took the easy, no maths required, and route and went for Communications. I enjoy reading and cannot read (or watch) something without coming up with alternative storylines. The problem is writing them down.
I read what I wrote and think “no one would ever say or do that” and hit the delete button.
I have a whole other “life” in my head. One that I think would make an interesting story, if only someone could write it down….
I am currently working and not enjoying it, and I feel as if I am not living up to my full potential. I cannot wait for the “next” thing to happen.
I am sure that I want the “next” thing to be travel, but getting the courage to just do it is a problem. As is being brave enough to quit, or to change courses, or to write…
Although our generation has many career options, it is overwhelming to decide I am going to do X because there are so many choices. Everything, even journalism, has sub-disciplines and you can make a career out of those specialities. This means that courses are tailored to a specific outcome and if you study a broad spectrum degree, like Communications it is seen as a “starter-degree,” everyone says “you now know what university is like so what are you REALLY going to study?”
And as you say our parents and teachers grew up in a time where if you became a teacher, that is what you did for your whole life. I have to keep reminding myself, and most of my family, that my 35 year old cousins have had at least five jobs since they started working at about 25. Five jobs in ten years, somehow that sounds great to me. One of my cousins (26) studied to become a pilot, when she could not get in at SAA, she went to work on a game farm, now she is studying to become a teacher.
The whole concept of “rest of your life” is daunting and I personally am trying to take it one day at a time. I know how fleeting life is and am trying not to worry too much about the future. Right now is stressful enough.
I hope that you are able to follow your passion and do what you want to do, I have recently realised that pleasing others should not be your goal in life; if you are not happy then life is not worth living.
Thanks for writing such a great response, Rika 🙂 It sometimes does feel like I’m the only one who feels this way and everyone else has it all figured out. Now I know that it’s not true. You write with real maturity, my friend.
HI Derryn
If you are serious about getting started writing, look at Nanowrimo. (www.nanowrimo.org). Don’t know if you know about it, but the basic idea is to write a novel in november. It’s a awesome way to kickstart yourself, and discover some good writing habits. I can highly recommend it. And there’s a lot of support going on in the forums, and in real life meet-ups. The Jo’burg kick off party is on 19 October, and we are planning ‘write-ins’ every saturday during November. It really is a great tool to experiment with.
Thanks, Alta 🙂 I heard about Nanowrimo for the first time last year… at the very END of November! So I vowed to do it this year. I’ve heard it can be quite a good way to really get started. I didn’t know that their was Jo’burg-specific group. I’ll look out for the party, and I would LOVE to come to a write-in. 🙂
http://nanowrimo.org/forums/africa-south-africa-johannesburg/threads/117651